I Know How You Kiss
by KSTapp
Summary: Killian reflects on each of the kisses he has shared with Emma


I Know How You Kiss

From that first kiss in Neverland, he had known he would never be able to get enough of her. Even though he had baited her and she was trying to prove a point, that kiss had played in his head and the taste of her had not left his lips that entire agonising year he had been away from her.

Upon locating her in New York, he had hoped that she felt as he did and that True Love's kiss would restore her memory. She had kissed him back for all of two seconds and then kneed him in the groin. Something he had no wish to experience ever again no matter how wonderfully she kissed. Despite his protests she had still shoved him unceremoniously out the door before slamming it in his face. He had to think quickly to find a way to get her back to Storybrooke and although he would never admit it out loud, he was more than a little disappointed that she didn't remember him when he could never forget her.

When she saved him from drowning he could feel her lips against his even though he had been unconscious. But the guilt of what that had meant, of her losing her powers consumed him. Even though she hadn't seemed to mind her powers being gone when he saw her later at the hospital, he had not wanted to be the Villain who had left her without magic.

Going back in time had left them both with enough problems, but when he had suggested she distract his former self; it hadn't occurred to him that he would be left with a hard to grasp memory of her lips on his. There was not enough rum in the universe to completely chase that memory away. It also hadn't occurred to him that he would be so jealous.

Of course later when she thanked him outside of Granny's it seemed all worthwhile. He hadn't planned to tell her he had traded his ship for a way to get to her so that he could re-unite her with her family. It hadn't been entirely for unselfish reasons. He had jumped at the chance to see her again. When she had moved in to kiss him he was only too happy to accept her thanks. It seemed time had stood still for them until they had finally made it inside the diner and some townsfolk asked them where they had been.

Foolishly he had thought he had finally broken down all her walls, but then another crisis came up and he felt he was back to square one. Alright, maybe not square one since she had given him a chaste kiss in the forest. He was fast learning that patience was a virtue with this woman.

His heart still stuttered when he thought of her trapped in the ice cave. He had come so close to losing her for good. That she hadn't pushed him away when he had held her as she slowly warmed up was nothing short of a miracle to him. He savoured her snuggling further into his arms as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

It felt as if he had taken ten steps back when he had gone looking for the Ice Queen against her wishes. It seemed as though she didn't trust him but then it had turned out she was scared of losing him. He had searched her face for a sign that she'd punch him if he made his move and found none. So he had done what he had been longing to do all day.

Every time their lips met it was something different. A little more passionate, something more was learned from each other in each new kiss. A new meaning each time.

Despite all that had gone wrong on their date what with his processed hand and the rude interruption from that thief, the kiss good night made it worthwhile. If only the apartment hadn't been so full of her family members. The evening could have ended so differently if the apartment had been empty.

He hadn't taken Henry sailing to get closer to Emma. Time spent with Henry reminded him of the time he had spent with Baelfire when he was a boy. Kissing Emma's cheek felt so normal, as though they had been together for years. If Henry hadn't been waiting for him, he might have tried for a second.

When Milah had been killed before him he had felt as though his heart had been crushed along with hers. But when the Crocodile had ripped his heart from his chest he realised that his feelings hadn't even been close to what he felt at the mere thought that he might lose Emma to the same Villain.

When he had gotten free and raced inside to make sure Emma was safe, it hadn't occurred to him that she would notice something was wrong. After all, he loved her with all of his heart and soul and even if his heart wasn't in his kiss his soul still was. Later he guessed his kisses were at half power. He still felt connected to her through them and yet the connection wasn't as strong.

How he hated being the Dark One's puppet. He had wanted so badly to warn her that he wouldn't be able to keep his promise. Her tearful kiss goodbye would have broken his heart had it still been in his chest. She'd noticed that something other than the current crisis was wrong. He could see it in her face, but she had a whole town to save again so all he could do was hope she wouldn't completely close herself off to those who loved her once he was gone.

And here they now were, his heart in her hands literally rather than figuratively. Her beautiful face showing her nerves. She always had been an open book to him. Yet again she had known earlier that his kiss was wrong. It wasn't him. He had made an attempt to break through Gold's control to show her that he would fight to the bitter end to be with her.

He would have preferred she be a bit gentler when she put his heart back, but once it was in place he was more overwhelmed to kiss her with the power of both his heart and soul behind it. If he could spend the rest of his life kissing his Swan Princess he would. As long as he could pour his heart and soul into that kiss. She deserved nothing less.

He had survived another day to be with her. Something he would be eternally grateful to Belle for. His only regret was that now Belle was suffering for learning the truth. For as much as he wanted to be a better man for Emma, Gold would always choose power over the love of this wife.


End file.
